


Costume Chaos

by agentsimmons



Series: Average. Ordinary. Everyday. [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: (but lbr this is me so it's pre-boys in love), Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Parents, Family, Family Fluff, Gay Bruce Banner, Gay Tony Stark, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Kid Fic, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Parent Bruce Banner, Parent Tony Stark, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Science Husbands, Siblings, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8831032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentsimmons/pseuds/agentsimmons
Summary: Tony and Bruce take their four kids to a costume shop and much chaos ensues before they settle on what to be for Halloween.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _"Idk I'm starting to fall in love with this little au," she says about almost every au she comes up with especially where kids are involved._ \- Me regarding this series when it was posted in _You, Me & the Kids_. 
> 
> So here we are, folks. I've decided to go ahead and make this au its own series. Because I've got one full finished story in this au verse finished after the Halloween and Thanksgiving ones. And two half finished ones after that. And at least a dozen other varying length ideas from all over the timeline of this verse, including older Tony/Bruce (which I feel like I don't feel as comfortable going there yet with Lucky Thirteen because my precious little babies need to all live in a bubble! but with this verse I don't feel that same restriction so it might be good practice idk). 
> 
> First I'll be reposting the Halloween and Thanksgiving ones, with some very minor edits to both (some grammatical and some to make them a little more cohesive with the narrative I've now begun to flesh out in my mind). Then I'll post the new one within a day or so once I finish editing it :)
> 
> For those who haven't read the original two ficlets, a basic premise: A non-powered au where Tony and Bruce are the parents of kids: Natasha, Steve, Clint and Thor (using his Jake moniker from the comics). More in series details.

The family outing at the Halloween costume shop was further proof to Tony and Bruce that their four children were eclectic and indecisive. They'd been there for an hour and didn't seem any closer to their goal of each kid settling on a costume.

"But why?"

Currently their oldest was arguing with Bruce as to why they didn't find it appropriate for an almost thirteen-year-old to wear a catsuit that looked more dominatrix than the superhero it was intended to be... Black Widow? Yeah, even the name seemed inappropriate, Tony mused, even if he knew the character was more complex than that.

"Natasha," Bruce's voice was starting to find an edge, "I've told you three times why we don't find it to be an appropriate choice, you're simply refusing to listen because it's not what you want to hear. The next time it's going to be, because your father and I said so. And you know how much I don't like to go there." Neither of them did since they didn't feel inclined to cut off genuine communication with their kids, no matter how much they didn't listen.

Natasha crossed her arms in a bout of pre-teenage angst. "This is so unfair. Black Widow is a strong, female character. Ask Aunt Pepper or Cousin Jen. They'll tell you it's good for me to be this character."

"Check the 'tude, please," Tony interjected as calmly as he could. "It's not Aunt Pepper's decision."

At just that moment four-year-old Jake ran by her with two costumes in hand and Natasha's eyes widened as if scandalized. Jake held out the costumes for both Tony and Bruce to survey.

"Those are two very different choices you've got there, buddy," Tony said with a small chuckle as he looked between the generic princess costume and the Thor costume. "But you can only be one character. Who would you rather be?"

His face fell, disappointment in every feature. "Um..."

"Hey," Natasha protested. "You're not going to tell him he can't be a princess? How come _he_ gets to express his individuality and interests?"

"Mayday, mayday," Tony leaned over and mumbled in Bruce's ear, "we're losing the argument." Bruce winced and nodded.

"Look, Jake's costume choices have nothing to do with unnecessary oversexualization of children's costumes," Bruce tried anyhow.

"Uh, that's exactly what princesses are! Everybody knows that they're not healthy." She pointed. "And his Thor costume reinforces, like, super gross ideas about boys having to be tough warriors."

Tony blinked. Yep. Pepper and Jennifer were definitely taking their roles as the steady, modern female influences in their kids' lives very seriously and filling in the gaps for them. He glanced at Bruce who sighed and then looked at him. They'd been by each others' side long enough for him to get the gist of what Bruce was thinking.

"Okay, Natasha," Tony interpreted those thoughts, "if you really think we're trying to stifle your individuality or, uh-"

"Repress your feminism," Bruce supplied.

"Then that won't do," Tony continued. "So go and try on the costume and we'll reserve judgment 'til we see it, okay?" Natasha didn't even waste a second. Tony sighed and looked at Bruce after she was gone. "I'm not ready for 13."

"Do you think the brick on the head trick works?" Bruce mused. He then looked down at their youngest son, still pouting as he tried to pick between the two costumes. "Have you picked a winner yet, Jake?"

The boy shook his head and looked up at them with wide, crystal blue eyes and his long blonde hair falling away from his face. "I want to be both."

"I don't think they make a Princess Thor costume, kiddo," Tony broke the news to him.

"Why not?" Jake's face darkened and the pout turned to a thunderous scowl. "Princesses can be warriors too!"

"Maybe they have a female Valkyrie costume?" Tony shrugged.

"In kid size?" Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Not likely. And they probably won't have a Lady Sif costume either."

"Oh!" Jake's eyes widened at the prospect. "That would be cool!"

"I guess we'll go ask," Bruce relented. "Let's go," he told Jake.

"Hey, dad?" Jake tugged on Tony's arm.

"Hey what?"

"Can you hold my costumes?"

"You bet I can," Tony replied. He looked over both costumes after they were gone. On a whim he put the Thor costume over the princess one and positioned it so it looked liked Thor wearing a skirt. "Huh. That might be an option."

He was broken from that thought by the sound of his oldest son shouting, "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" His eyes widened and he quickly moved to find out what was happening.

He found Steve on the next aisle over, bristling and glaring at some kid Tony recognized from his school – a bully Steve had gotten into a few tiffs with before. Steve's hands were already balled up at his sides so he knew he needed to intervene. The ten-year-old was never one to back down from a fight with a bully. He'd taken the whole 'stand up to the bully and they won't mess with you' advice he'd been given – by Tony, as Bruce liked to point out whenever this happened – maybe too much to heart.

"What's going on here?" Tony asked calmly.

"Me and Sam were just looking at the costumes and he started saying it was gay to want to be Captain America," Steve supplied, voice still vehement. Beside him, holding said Captain America costume, Sam – Steve's friend from school who'd tagged along – nodded several times over. "I told him being gay isn't a bad thing. And maybe I am gay so what's it to him if I like Captain America."

"And then he said I'd better watch out," Sam chimed in, "because gays can’t be trusted."

"So I told him to take it back."

The irresponsible part of Tony wanted to let his son make the bully take it back. But that would just cause a scene and he had sense enough to know it would just feed into what the bigoted little boy had been taught.

"That's an interesting philosophy you've got there about gay people, kid," he addressed the antagonist coolly. "But it's up to Sam who he trusts. And it's really none of your business if Steve is Captain America for Halloween or not. And it's none of Steve's business who you decide to be for Halloween. So let's just live and let live." He then looked at his son and his son's friend, deciding the best course of action would be a retreat in this case. "Grab a costume or two to try on so we can wrap up this little excursion before it's dinner time."

Steve backed down and grabbed a costume obediently, Sam following suit since he'd brought money for a costume too. Tony then led them toward the fitting rooms.

"Don't listen to him, Steve," Sam said as they trailed behind Tony. "I don't believe that for a second. I trust you one hundred percent." Then he fumbled, "Uh, you know... Even if you are. I mean, maybe I am too."

Tony's eyebrows moved upward and he glanced over his shoulder to see the two boys looking away from each other in a sheepish manner. He smiled at their innocence and mused that he wouldn't be surprised if one of these days the two boys decided they might just like-like each other – if neither of them had decided it already.

"So, Steve, you finally settled on Cap?" Tony asked his son. Earlier in the excursion it had been one of the many costumes his son had been considering.

"Yeah, after I saw the others looking at hero costumes too. I thought maybe-"

"Wait," Tony interrupted, "not to interrupt, but where is your brother?" Tony glanced around as they reached the line for the fitting rooms. Steve shrugged and gave a tone that suggested he didn't know. "Well, that's reassuring."

"What's reassuring?" Bruce joined them, Jake holding his hand and looking down despondently.

"Steve doesn't know where Clint is," Tony answered hesitantly.

"What?" Bruce's eyes widened and he turned quickly, head moving left and right as he scanned the store. "Oh god."

Tony narrowed his eyes and then they widened when he saw what Bruce saw. "Be right back," Tony said, handing over the Thor and princess costumes to Bruce and Jake before moving swiftly toward the second youngest Banner-Stark kid. Said kid was on a safety ladder he'd managed to climb to the top without reprimand. Tony stood at the bottom and looked up at his son. "Clint, what do you think you're doing?"

"Looking for a costume," the six-year-old answered in a tone that suggested he wasn't even the slightest bit worried that one of his dads had caught him.

"Really now?" Tony raised an eyebrow and then glanced around to see if they were drawing attention. "You're looking for a costume at the top of a ladder you're not supposed to be climbing on?"

"Yep."

Tony counted to five in his head before saying in a firm, clipped manner, "Get down here now, please." He snapped his fingers and pointed from him to the floor. "And, no, that doesn't mean jump. Use the steps."

Clint rolled his eyes, but started to descend the ladder. When he reached the second to last one he jumped and Tony was pretty sure he had a mini heart attack, even if Clint jumped from greater heights than that on a regular basis, as he watched him in free fall. He flinched and then moved to grab his hand when he reached the ground.

"Not cool," Tony chastised and led him back to the others. A glance at Bruce told him he'd seen and wasn't pleased either. "I told you no jumping."

"It was just a small jump," Clint defended himself.

"A small jump is not the same as no jump. And you already know not to climb on the safety ladders." Tony didn't like punishing any of his kids nor did his husband, each due to their own childhoods, but he knew he and Bruce would have to come up with some reasonable way of addressing the issue.

"But I could see the costumes better from up there."

"Well, then maybe we should get your eyes checked," Tony suggested, trying to keep his frustration in check. He knew he'd never listened at Clint's age when his dad got loud with him. "Could be you're farsighted like your dad," he said with a shrug as they reached the others. Tony's attention immediately went to Natasha who was in her Black Widow costume facing Bruce's scrutiny. "Maybe the next size up wouldn't be so skin tight?"

"Oh come on," Natasha crossed her arms, "it's not even."

Bruce looked at him and Tony saw the way he was starting to budge. Tony looked over the costume again. It wasn't as bad as the model on the package and maybe his dad goggles were exaggerating the tightness. And if it was empowering…

"Concede?" Tony asked Bruce.

"Concede," Bruce agreed.

"Thank you!" Natasha hugged Bruce first and then Tony before going back into the changing room.

"One crisis down," Tony mumbled and Bruce snorted. "Any luck with the Lady Sif thing?" It was obvious by the way Jake was pouting again as he looked back and forth between the original two costumes a few feet away that the answer to that question was a very big no. Bruce sighed and shook his head. "Okay, well, I was thinking… Maybe we can combine them somehow?" He hitched a shoulder.

Bruce furrowed his brow and glanced at their youngest. His eyes widened and he looked back. "Oh, like Thor with a skirt?" Jake heard them and hurried over, looking up at them hopefully. Tony smiled and so did Bruce. "How's that sound? Do you want us to take the top half of the Thor costume and add a princess skirt?"

"Yeah!" He nodded eagerly. "Then I can be Princess Thor."

"You sure can, champ," Tony agreed.

"We'll discuss the ladder thing later," Bruce warned, turning his attention to Clint, "but have you picked out a costume yet?"

"I saw a cool Green Arrow one," he answered.

"From on your perch?" Tony asked with a laugh, but cleared his throat when Bruce gave him a look that told him not to encourage him. "Green Arrow, huh? Pretty sure the rest of the family is being the Avengers the way it's going."

"DC is better. Hawkeye would be cooler at DC."

"No he wouldn't," Steve protested, overhearing as he emerged from a fitting room in his costume.

"Looking good there, Captain," Tony interjected and his son puffed out his chest. Sam followed out shortly. "Oh, and Falcon too."

Steve turned and looked at his friend. "I thought you were going to be Captain America too."

Sam shrugged. "I figure you'd make such an awesome Cap so I'll be your sidekick."

"But you'd make a great Cap too," Steve insisted.

Tony glanced at Bruce who glanced back with a small smile playing at the edge of his lips and a knowing gleam in his eyes. They both had similar notions about the boys' tight friendship. And they usually laughed about it between them that they'd apparently finally reached peak parent behavior if they were speculating over their ten-year-old's potential future love life.

Natasha came back out and looked at her younger siblings. "Wait, is everybody just copying me?"

"No!" Steve exclaimed, even if Tony knew that wasn't the whole truth by Steve's own earlier admittance. "I just want to be Captain America. Not everything's about _you,_ Natasha."

"Mayday mayday," Tony said with a sigh as he moved to stand beside his husband. Bruce seemed equally worn out by the excursion.

" _I'm_ not copying!" Clint chimed in. "I'm gonna be Green Arrow."

"And you're going to ruin the line up," Steve argued.

Clint argued back, "It's not like we have a Hulk or Iron Man either. And there's no Princess Thor."

"So?!" Jake exclaimed his protest. "There should be!"

"Alright, all of you," Bruce intervened. "We need to get Sam home soon so you two change," he instructed Sam and Steve. "And, Clint, whoever you're planning on being, go grab the costume. And come straight back," he added in warning. "Natasha, your brothers can be whatever they want to be. I know you hate that it feels like they're copying you, but it's Halloween. Lots of people are going to be the same character. You wouldn't want a friend to tell you you're copying them."

"Dad mode activated," Tony teased in his husband's ear.

Bruce chuckled. "I didn't realize it was ever deactivated during daylight hours," he whispered back.

"Barring school days," Tony added with his own chuckle. Then winced as he considered sick days and other emergencies or school activities. "Most of the time."

"Ew, are you guys flirting?" Natasha gave them a semi-disgusted look. "Seriously? We're in public."

"Bantering," Tony clarified. "Slight difference."

When Steve and Sam emerged, they went to find Clint who hadn't returned yet. Only instead of with a Green Arrow costume they found him with a Hawkeye one.

"I thought you said you weren't copying," Natasha said immediately.

"That was before I knew it would annoy you if I did," the six-year-old said with a mischievous smirk.

"Ugh, you little brat," Natasha seethed.

"Okay," Tony shook his head, "we're going now before this can escalate." Not that there weren't tons of other rowdy kids and teenagers all over the shop. "Everyone got your costumes?"

"What about you and dad?" Jake asked, looking up at them with his head cocked to one side.

"Your fathers aren't dressing up," Bruce fielded that one. 

"You should be Hulk and Iron Man!" Jake completely ignored him.

"Hey, yeah! That would be cool!" Steve agreed. "We could be one of those families that matches."

"How embarrassing," Natasha mumbled, dropping her head into her hand.

"I guess it would be kind of awesome," Clint chimed in.

"Oh boy." Bruce let out a huff of a laugh and looked at Tony.

"Guess we're going to be Hulk and Iron Man?" Tony asked, knowing they were already defeated.

"Guess so." He shook his head, smiling in amusement. Then he looked at their kids. "Alright. Natasha, take your brothers and Sam and go get in line. We'll grab the costumes and be right there."

"Fine," she said, tone unenthusiastic, and they all headed for the long line.

Tony chuckled once they were alone and wrapped his arm around Bruce's shoulders, the other man feigning a fainting spell and sagging against him before straightening again with a chuckle of his own.

Then Bruce sighed. "Alright, Iron Man. Let's go get our costumes."

"So I'm Iron Man, huh?" Tony asked with a wry smile as they moved to the superhero section for adults and grabbed the costumes. "Any particular reason, hmm?" He leered at him.

"Obviously," Bruce said with a nonchalant shrug, but there was a smile playing at the edge of his lips. "At least I seem to recall you as a rich, charismatic, playboy philanthropist when I met you anyway."

"But now I'm just the aging and tired dad. That it?" Tony looked at him with a smirk. "Trying to relive the glory days by dressing me up as Iron Man?"

Bruce rolled his eyes, chortled and shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. These _are_ the glory days."

They had four wonderful, rambunctious kids. Their Saturdays consisted of trips just like this, games and recitals and other activities. When they got back home it would be pizza, movie and laundry night. Then maybe if they weren't so tired they just crashed, the two of them would have some nice one-on-one time after the kids were in bed.

"Yeah," Tony had to agree, all things considered, "they are." They shared a quick public display of affection and smiled at each other as they pulled away. Tony glanced over then and saw another costume. "You know," he pointed, "we don't have a Spider-man. Maybe it's time to start thinking about that hypothetical fifth child we talked about before."

Bruce's eyes widened. "Seriously?" Tony shrugged slowly. Bruce blinked a few times and then gave a small smile. "Maybe it is."

They made their way back to the front of the store to join their children and stopped short a few feet away.

"You know what?" Tony backtracked when they were greeted by the sight of Clint and Jake roughhousing and Steve trying to break it up all while Natasha was absorbed with her phone. "Maybe four is a good even number."

Bruce snorted. "About how fast do you think I'd be arrested on charges of child abuse if I said 'Hulk smash disobedient children'?"

"Probably five, six minutes tops. But you know if you did, honey, I'd definitely bail you out."

"Admit it," Bruce bantered, "You just want to see me get arrested."

"What can I say?" Tony couldn't resist. "You look good in handcuffs."

Bruce's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. Then he looked at him with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Ew, are you flirting with me?" He feigned disgust. "Seriously? We're in public."

Tony laughed, enough for their kids to stop what they were doing and look at them. Tony let out a sigh on the last laugh and wrapped his arm around Bruce's waist. "You better believe I am. And I don't care who hears."

"Neither do I," Bruce said with a smile and peck on the cheek. Their kids immediately protested with yucks and ews and groans so they naturally shared another quick kiss to tease them. "But I don't know," Bruce then said with a content sigh as they moved to stand in the long line properly. "One more might still be fun."

Tony smiled and nodded. If it meant more of this wonderful chaos then he was definitely on board. After all they might not be heroes, but his and Bruce's kids were definitely super.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Even with the minor changes, this ultimately feels like a pilot. It's the slice of life that kicks it all off and then later gets better defined.  
> 2\. In case it was unclear Tony and Bruce's pov on the Black Widow costume was intended to be exaggerated because of them being overprotective dads.  
> 3\. "Pepper and Jennifer were definitely taking their roles as the steady, modern female influences in their kids' lives very seriously" 1. back to the pilot type thing, this was before I decided I wanted the kids' grandmothers to be alive and in retrospect I wish I would have included Pepper at the Thanksgiving since canonically she doesn't have anyone else so I may retcon that into the edit or explain why she's not there 2. I'm trying very hard to resist Pepper/Jennifer if nobody's here for it. So if nobody is here for it (or at least the majority isn't) please speak now or forever hold your peace because otherwise these two - whom I imagine have become at least friends thanks to the mutual acquaintances - are going to get with the program, probably with the help of their meddling mutual acquaintances lol.


End file.
